It’s okay to find things difficult. The world is tricky at the moment and it is okay to feel that. There was a meme going around about enjoying time with your children and spend time baking or gardening, you might have seen it. This is all well and good, but all it actually does is make parents feel guilty. All we should do is be kind to each to other. Maybe some people find the structure generated by school suits their children better, lots of people are still being expected to work from home while home schooling, which is entirely unrealistic. You may as well try and email your boss while doing a canter halfpass! Most people aren’t worried about their children not learning, they are worried about them not learning social skills, not seeing their friends.
Now more than ever we need to be kind, but not only to others but ourselves. If you wouldn’t say it to another person why would you say it to yourself. The world is challenging and it is okay to find it so. Telling people to be positive can be undermining, can make them feel their response is not valid. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to realign your expectations. Remember what you see online is a snippet of other people’s lives. For every positive post people put on you have no idea how much of the day they have spent sat on the floor crying and eating chocolate biscuits.
Don’t judge your life against other people’s social media posts. The world is difficult it would wrong to expect yourself to be unaffected by the circumstances. Be kind, realign your expectations, be kind, eat biscuits, be kind, hug your ponies, be kind, ring your friend, be kind. This too shall pass
The other day I was driving along the road. There was a man sat on a wet pavement. While I was trying to turn across the road, I watched 4 people just walk past the man sat on the ground. By the time I had parked my car and ran back across the road, one other lady had stopped. Together we tried to help the man, wrapped him in a blanket, as he was growing cold refusing to move, called an ambulance and then waited.
In all this time, one older man stopped and asked if we were okay. The other people simply stepped around us and the man sat upon the wet pavement. I hope that it is just the effect of the pandemic that is making people so stressed, that they simply don’t have any capacity to stop and help. But I would have hoped that more people would have stopped.
I hope that after this period of time, that life will settle down, and that people will go back to behaving properly. But in the meantime, please try and help. Even a kindly word can go long way to making people feel better. People don’t need large gestures, they need simple expressions of kindness, a soft touch, or a gentle word, a moment out of your day, may make someone else’s day. You will never know the effect that one simple gesture can have on another person.
So remember, be kind, check those around you are okay, don’t let this terribly stressful time rob us of our humanity. If you are so stressed that you simply can’t reach out to anyone else, then ask for help. We can’t all help people all the time, sometimes, we too need to be helped. But if everyone helps we they can, the world will be a little bit better every day.
Starting again, often means going back to basics. You might groan internally at the thought of going back to simply practicing walk to trot transitions, but those basics are the building blocks for everything that follows after. If you can’t ride a nice, smooth, responsive walk to trot transition how will you be able to ride a good trot to canter transition? If you can’t ride a good square halt, will you be able to independently move your horses’ legs in lateral work?
If you have started your horse again, you might feel as though you have slithered all the way down the snakes to the very beginning of the game, but those basics are imperative. Time spent on the basics, make the advanced work so much easier. Anything we build up from houses to horses rely on good foundations.
This time we have all experienced, this period of retreat has enabled many of us to go back to basics. It has allowed us the time to start over, to remember things we had forgotten about. Though it may have been uncomfortable, and unpleasant for some people, for others it has given them the time to reconnect, to go back to basics.
Sometimes we over-complicate our lives by forgetting about the basics, and we can do the same with our horses. For both of us, the basics are important. After all there is no use learning Mandarin, if you have forgotten how to kind. It is fantastic is your horse can do a flying change, but it is really of no use, if you can’t do a good canter transition in the first place.
Tricks are impressive, we all get blown away by a flashy trot or a person who can speak 10 languages. But in reality the transition that gets one into the flashy trot is more important than the flashiness. And speaking 10 languages is of no use if you can’t be kind in any of them…
Being kind is important, vey important. But kindness alone isn’t necessarily enough. Trying to be kind to our horses is often at the forefront of our mind, but sometimes the decisions that we make may have to be wise rather than kind. Imagine your horse is lame and needs to be on box rest. But he doesn’t like box rest. To recover from the injury, he will need to be temporarily unhappy in order to achieve long term happiness. As humans we can understand this, but the horse with no concept of acting now to achieve something in the future will just be unhappy.
This dilemma is summed up beautifully by a story from the Dalai Lama. A student came to him with this story:
“My cat had a flea. But I didn’t want to kill the flea, so I didn’t. Then the cat got more fleas. Then the cat had a reaction to the fleas. So, I took the cat to the vet, and the vet had to treat the cat, and kill all the fleas. What should I have done?”
The Dalai Lama replied: “You were trying to be kind, but you forgot to be wise. To be wise, you should have killed the one flea. By trying to be kind, you caused more pain.”
The same applies with our horses. In some cases, the short-term kindness won’t lead to long-term happiness. Sometimes keeping your horse on box rest even though he is unhappy is worth it for the long-term benefit. The combination of wisdom and kindness means that we retain clarity of our long-term goals, without falling into the trap of seeking short term happiness.
The best we can when we are forced to put our horses in situations that aren’t ideal for them, is to make the best of the situation. So, if your horse is on box rest, find him something to do in his stable. If he is turned out by himself, to stop him racing around the paddock, see if you can find him a horse to go in the next-door field. Make sure you look beyond the short-term kindness to the long-term benefits.